Its setting in

I was wondering when this day would come, or if it would ever really come, but i think it is here. Well almost. And by "this" day I mean, the day that this would all "set" in that this is really happening. It is really happening that i am going to soon, be opening the doors of my Bakery to the public. You may be wondering why now? Well, as of this morning and technically last night, It was my last scheduled shift at the bar. So that would bring me down to technically no jobs, from just 2 months ago 5 jobs. However i am still a massage therapist and am taking my regular clients. But non the less is am jobless in the fact of having the luxury of being paid by someone else. I did feel this before two months back when I stopped working at the clothing boutique, but at that time the timeline for the bakery was still up in that air a bit. But now... Well we are literally just about 2 weeks away and this is coming up to D day. This week the contractors come in for the final work and then I need the inspectors to come through and then I, in hopes get the green light.... and you get your sweets

Now coming back to the "setting in" that this is happening. Gee, how do i even go about starting to explain this. Hmm, well i guess i have always or at least for the last 8 years have been a work horse. I love to work. If it makes me money, I'm there. If i have plans to do something fun, well i probably canceled that to make a few extra bucks. Why am i like this? I have no clue. I feel guilty when i am not working. Clearly there is something wrong with me... or is there? Yes I do know that I am driven to succeed, but where does this not working guilt comes from, i do not know. But anyways bringing back to the topic at hand of why i am here spilling my guts out at 4 in the morning. So tonight was my last night at the bar. I love the bar. I loved working there, i loved the people, i loved the atmosphere, and i think most of all, over the years i love the comfort. Tonight i feel that a bit of that has died. Much like when people look back at their yearly years and think wow... it was so care free and fun. So as i was counting out money at the end of that night, i thought about the times i went to the HB by myself for a drink when i just moved to bayview. Then i thought about how i met all the people i work with at the bar. Then i got to thinking about other good times, and the not so good times that some of the people there got me through, and just the comfort that the Highbury had brought me all these years. They are my family in a sense. * note i did not cry* SHOCKING!!

So yes as of tonight, it feels for sure that one chapter of my life has come to an end, and another giant one is just beginning, and i can honestly say that for once, i am scared. I am scared that now, leaving all my jobs behind to finally embark on my dream, I have no idea what is to come. I truly have after looking back over the last few years and especially that last few months, i have sacrificed a lot. MY time, my friendships, my money, my lifestyle, everything, all for a dream that i hope, I HOPE will be ok. So at this point it is the now or never moment. I can taste it. Pun intended. I am just weeks out from opening my dream to the public. So let it be known and how conflicting is this, I am petrified. I am PETRIFIED to fail, but in the same breath, i know it will be ok, because it may not always go as planned, but it happened the way it is meant to happen for me. In the end, that way, turns out to be what it should. I cant help but think that there are good reasons that it has taken me 5 years to open this bakery. It was always the goal, and sometimes it was me standing in the way of it, but time aside it is about to happen. Holy balls.